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And, according to her posted itinerary, she would be in our city seeing "clients" the following week. Here I was, digging through my husband's files in an attempt to prove my suspicions wrong, and instead I'd discovered he wasn't just looking at porn, he was actually contacting hookers. "The computer is evil," he said, like a little boy looking to dodge the blame. It was tough to admit they'd been right, but I wanted to see for myself what they had found.

In his correspondence with three or four women, Joe described his wife — me — in such hateful terms, it made my skin crawl. I realized that I'd always looked at my marriage and seen what it could be, not what it was.

I had joked with my girlfriends that my shy, sweet husband didn't know how to put his feelings into words, but I hadn't realized how tragically true that would turn out to be.

It is not normal to be so addicted that you can't go without your fix — even while weekending with your in-laws.

And it's not normal to visit sites dedicated to sadomasochism and voyeurism — not just once out of curiosity, but over and over again.

But when I confided in close friends, some thought I was overreacting. Others said his behavior was normal — all men like looking at naked women.

And perhaps the toughest thought that kept coming into my mind: If my parents hadn't discovered his online activities, if I'd never scanned his email, wouldn't our marriage be the same as before, regardless of what Joe was up to? It's not normal, I assured myself, to spend hours on computer-generated porn when your wife is nearby in bed.Wandering into the next room, I'd see Joe sitting in front of the screen, bathed in a flickering blue light. "If someone went to a bunch of porn sites, I don't know anything about it. I watched as Joe dialed their number and calmly repeated what he'd said to me. Furious, they told him he was lying and that he wasn't welcome in their house anymore. The next day, out of the blue, he said something I'd been waiting years to hear: He was ready to have another baby.When I'd ask what he was doing, he would say, "Just surfing," then turn off the computer and come to bed. During the week that followed, the sting of my parents' accusations faded. As I turned on his office monitor, Joe was playful, cracking jokes as he relaxed against the wall.At first, he was vague, saying he didn't recall emailing her. I could see that in the past year, someone had been looking at a lot of porn — and all the dates corresponded with our visits.I refreshed his memory with details from her Website. The records also revealed exactly when and for how long each site had been surfed and the dizzying number of return visits that had been made."When Dad went to retrieve the bookmark from the trash, all these porn site addresses came up onscreen." "Really," I said, trying to sound nonchalant.