The classic example is the nerd developing a crush on the cheerleader without knowing anything about her; he’s built up this elaborate fantasy about who she is and what she’s “really” into without any regard for reality.It’s a function of the halo effect – we assume that people we find physically attractive are also smarter, kinder, friendlier and so-forth. Physical attraction is great – it’s incredibly important for any romantic relationship – but it’s not the in the long run than looks.They make the mistake of trying to trade on the ambiguousness of the situation – a Schrödinger’s Date, where it is both platonic and sexual at the same time, so long as nobody actually tries to put a label on things and collapses the waveform.
One of the trickier aspects of improving your dating life is that there’s always another level to master. And that’s where new and different problems come sneaking in.It’s easy to assume that once you’ve made it past that initial hump – building a cool wardrobe, getting over your approach anxiety and generally learning how to connect with potential dates – that it’s all smooth sailing from there. One of the things I hear about regularly from my readers – both here and over at my column at Kotaku – are people who keep experiencing what’s known as “the fade away” or “ghosting”.One of the reasons why people pull the fade is that they don’t feel any chemistry.The situation becomes too ambiguous and hard to read and your date is left wondering whether you’re into her or not.Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that the answer to avoiding getting ghosted is to have a defining-the-relationship talk by the third date.
But if you’re looking to avoid having people fade away, then you need to make sure that they’re looking for the same things out of a relationship as you’re out with them.Other times, it’s a matter of conflicting expectations – you think you’re on a date, while she thinks that this is a platonic get-together with a new friend.I see this happen over and over again, especially with men who are uncomfortable making their intentions known.But when it’s happening to you an indication that you’re doing something wrong.If you’re regularly getting the fade, the odds are good you’re having one of a number of common issues.Wanting to knock boots is great, but if you can’t stand to talk to them when that “need to get laid” urge has faded, then there’s really nothing compelling to keep people around.