One young couple I counseled years ago was in constant conflict about her family. This was part of the routine she and her daughter had followed for years before the marriage.
But the young husband was outraged at what he considered his mother-in-law's intrusiveness and demands on his wife's time.
My husband and I suffer a semi-estrangement from one of our daughters...
Again, this can be part of their working to convince themselves that they haven't left so much behind and is often quite temporary.
Still others may be stuck in the child role -- on the receiving end of parental giving -- and haven't developed the empathy and skills to be givers as well as takers. For others, very happy to take from their parents and not at all inclined to give of themselves, may make themselves invisible to their parents until they need something.
It wasn't until the daughter was nearing 30 that she rediscovered the joy of close ties with her mother.
I've seen other friends and patients blind-sided and baffled by sudden hostility from adult children who, as they mark their new independence, start complaining about their parents' deficiencies in parenting.
And the comments continue to come in: I cry as I read the posts....
This blog covers concerns you may have about emotional issues, health, sexuality, marriage, love relationships, parenting, retirement planning and more. Kathy Mc Coy Official Website: anguish is palpable in the comments to my post about parents and adult children "Finding The Balance." Even though I wrote the post a year and a half ago, it is still by far -- every day -- the most read post I've ever written.You and your parents were close and you considered them a joy and inspiration in your life.And it's painful when your children don't seem to feel the same way about you or to share the values that kept you close to your own parents.I understand that she has her own life and I can't expect to be a major part of it.I just want to know how to cope with these feelings I am having of being such an outsider in my daughter's life... I was blessed beyond measure with the joy they brought into my life and all of the memories we made together. I put my life aside for my children who have lots of medical issues. My daughter said to me yesterday "I have my own family now." I am very perplexed about my daughter's inability to call me every once in a while. I just can't believe my children can be that uncaring. The dream, of course, is close and warm relationships with your independent adult children, perhaps as you had with your parents (or wish you had had with your parents.) And there are some young adult children who are truly wonderful about maintaining close and warm ties with their parents. Why are loving parents -- who seem to ask so little -- so shut out of their adult children's lives?And there are many young adults who equate independence and freedom with being an adult and frequent contact with parents as reverting to childhood and so they stay away, not realizing that to be fully adult is to feel the freedom to be on one's own, to care about parents and family, to embrace both adult responsibilities and the joys they may associate with childhood. One of the major tasks of early marriage is to create a sense of family with each other and with extended families.