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These are the Post-Mortems, where we dissect a letter and dig through the remains in order to get to the heart of the issue. Many times, we’re having to liberally apply the Chair Leg of Truth to a lifetime of beliefs.

People all over the autism spectrum have relationships which run the gamut, from friends-with-benefits arrangements to long and happy marriages.Despite all of this, I have only ever had one 5-month relationship when I was 16. I’ve found it very very difficult to get dates at a regular frequency, so in that time I’ve been on only 20 dates.This is why there are a of false positives in online dating. I have confided in my best female friend, who’s in a relationship. When I expressed the amount I get rejected, she was taken aback, and said “Women are silly – and that’s coming from a feminist”. I hear this a from people who believe that they’re the kings of compartmentalization, who believe that they have mastered the poker face and have so squeezed their negative attitude down that nobody ever sees it. This whole Harvey Weinstein thing has, rightly, exposed a gender inequality in which women frequently feel sexually endangered.You may get along great from the other side of a monitor, but once you’re sitting in front of one another… now you’re just struggling to get through the date in the first place. Before I continue, let me emphasise that I have given none of the below views, or expressed any kind of negativity, on any of my dates. As a man, I realise my privilege in being able to confidently walk alone after a night out, and meet strangers without feeling threatened. There is literally nothing good that’s going to come of this. with a corresponding problem for men that manifests itself differently – less of the frequent and acute annoyance, danger and fear that faces women, but the following (not even an exhaustive list): Alright my dude, you wanted to know about how to address this negative mindset. well, with a lot of these, you’re so off that you don’t even manage to be . – A chronic, never-ending state of being ignored by women in social settings; – Being effectively invisible to every woman you see in public; So I’m going to take these two together because either you’re repeating yourself or you’re conflating things in ways that only make sense to you.The problem, however, is that sometimes you don’t realize that you’re focusing on the . I am also a sociable person, not autistic (to my knowledge) and am well liked by friends of both genders.

Quick tip: listing not being autistic as a plus is not going to help or win you many friends.

If you want to streamline things, you can pay to see who’s already swiped right on you, but at the end of the day, the you’re going to just have to make the best profile you can and wait. – Writing a nice, funny and intelligent online dating message only to have it ignored; It may not have been nice, funny and intelligent enough. Or it may have gotten lost in the churn, because women get an number of messages that range from “‘sup” to “can I fuck them titties”. So that first date is, literally, a case of seeing whether you and your date have any compatibility at all.

This is why it’s a good idea to make your first date a pre-date date – basically, meeting for fifteen or twenty minutes for coffee to establish whether or not it’s worth going on a .

Sometimes the answer is more nuanced than normal or requires cutting through a Gordian knot of related issues.

But, occasionally, I’ll get a letter from a reader that requires a deeper and more thorough dive than the usual request for advice.

You weren’t required to see them again; you didn’t dig them and that was the end of that.