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I barely sleep and when I do I always wake up disoriented thinking it was a bad dream, only to go back to the numbing reality that it is real.I'm a nurse, I know these things happen but I just can't get it together.We travelled, worked hard, had fun, wined and dined and laughed easily together. Fast forward 15 years and we were working at the same hospital and just instantly reconnected. I don't even want to except for the sake of my little one. Going back to work has helped because it is the only part of my life that has not changed. I was there every step of the way since his illness in 2013! I know it's not fair for my son as I seem to be just thinking about my own grief. My husband knew me more than I could ever know myself.He was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma on his 64th birthday and died on 24 April 2017. He had been in denial and refused to accept he was going to pass which made it harder for me although I know he was trying to protect me. He was putting a skylight in his workshed to let more light in and two days later passed away from a bacterial infection as his immune system was so low. We were together for 8 years, we were engaged and have a little boy. He took a mid day nap before going in to work and I had spoken to him just an hour prior... I gave him a kiss, told him I'd take the baby for a walk in the stroller so he could rest and that I'd see him soon. Stayed at night at the hospitals, fought with Dr's and nurses to keep him alive. It's like losing the most important part of you and now nothing seems to function. But the pain, unbearble pain goes on I lost my husband in a motorcycle accident 2 weeks ago!You can go out with someone without calling it a date, and without any thoughts of it being romantic or leading to marriage. Sparks are fun, but you may need to get out of the house and be among people more than you need romance. Do you want to move to a different part of the country? You have the opportunity to figure these things out and try new ideas. Maybe you'll find that you want to live alone for a time and see other people only socially.
You can just enjoy an evening out and make a new friend. Now is a good time to take stock of your life, because the last time you probably did this was 10 or 20 years ago. Then, when you start dating, you and the other person will know what you want. John Bayley, the husband of Iris Murdoch, the British novelist and philosopher, "fumbled" around with two women after Iris died not knowing what he wanted in a new relationship, or what the women wanted who showed up on his doorstep. Nothing has to happen if you don't want it to, or if you don't feel ready. Build up your confidence by talking with people you find attractive at social gatherings. Simply talk like you're a human being and not a man. Don't try to be the one in control or pretend that you know everything.
Whatever you do, be honest with yourself and be honest with the other person.
You've learned from your marriage that sharing your emotions is the only way that healthy relationships work.
My heart and the heart of our three son's is broken forever!! Thank all of you for your posts because reading them gives me a feeling of hope and that I am not alone. I hope those of you who write that there will be some for of a worthwhile life again are correct. We were blessed to have the time to say all the things we needed to each other before he became too ill as well as get all our affairs in order to ensure a fairly smooth transition after he passed. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful and relax and exhale during the ordinary.
I lost my husband of 28 years unexpectedly of heart failure two weeks ago on my birthday. I don't think I will ever find happiness again and I'm just trying to figure out how to move forward. My husband was diagnosed with Metastatic Esophageal cancer in March 2017 and died Sept. I met him when I was 12 (although didn't date until I was 18), we were married just shy of 33 years. And in between the amazing and the awful it is ordinary, mundane and routine.
This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative.